Bill and Ted in Oz
by JackPumpkinheadandtheWoggleBug
Summary: There's trouble in Oz. Bill and Ted must use their time-traveling phone booth to go and solve the problem before it gets MOST HEINOUS!
1. The Coming of the Wyld Stallyns to Oz

**_Hey dudes! I have enjoyed _Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure _and _Bogus Journey_. At the same time, I have devoured L. Frank Baum's original fourteen Oz books (not Ruth Plumy Thomson's, I hear they're bad) so I thought it would be fun to mix the two franchises together. I'm only extracting from Baum's text, not any of the movies or other books, official or unofficial. The Oz material used is all Baum's. _**

**_I hope you enjoy this story! I like it very much so far myself._**

One morning, Bill S. Preston, Esquire, and Ted Theodore Logan, were out on a great day in San Dimas, California. They had just escaped from the afterlife, played rock music in front of the whole world, and stopped the evil villain De Nomolos. I between, they had gotten an intensive sixteen months of guitar training by time travel. Not only that, but their music was slated to bring world peace by the 27th century. Their lives were now MOST BODACIOUS!

So about a week after playing for Battle of the Bands and becoming globally famous, the Wyld Stallyns, decided to relax with their formerly medieval girlfriends (who they had rescued from the bogus fate of marrying a couple of royal ugly dudes), and play air guitar.

The were going to the mini mart for some soda when a time-traveling phone booth descended out of the sky! And Rufus stepped out.

"Rufus!" said Bill and Ted together. They played some air guitar. "Hello, my excellent friends," said Rufus. "I am here to tell you to help another dimension. You realize that the phone booths can access other dimensions?"

"No way!"

"Yes _wayyy_," replied Rufus. "Get into your phone booth, and dial this number: 843-526-363-69. Do not forget it! 843-526-363-69. If you do not, this dimension will suffer a most heinous fate."

"What do we do once we get there?"

"The dangers befalling the dimension's inhabitants are not known to them. You must locate the dangers yourself, and stop them. Make sure to be excellent."

Then another phone booth dropped out of the sky. Rufus looked over at it. "I'll let them take it from here," he said, and so he got into his phone booth and time-traveled away.

Bill and Ted 2 stepped out of their phone booth to greet Bill and Ted 1. "Hey, Bill and Ted!" they said to their twins. "Whoa," they said, "Wait one sec."

Bill and Ted 1 went aside to talk. "Ted," said Bill, "How do we know it's not evil robot doubles of us, like it was before? It would be most bogus of us to fall for that again." Ted thought about it, then said, "Remember how our metal twins made a clang when you punched them? We'll attack ourselves and see if they react the same way. Then ask them how many times we're saying 'bodacious' in our head over and over. If they pass both tests, we trust them." Bill grinned. "Sounds excellent."

They played air guitar.

After a moment, they went out and said, "Hold still, Bill and Ted 1," then... POW! They punched their future selves and knocked them to the ground. Their twins got up. "Bogus!" said the Bill and Ted 2 together. They got up and dusted themselves off. "Why did you attack us, dudes?" asked future Ted. "Remember?" said the first Ted. "We had to make sure you weren't robot doubles again!"

"Oh yeah," said Bill 2, "I forgot about that." Bill and Ted 1 grinned. "How many times are we saying 'bodacious' in our heads?" asked Bill 1. Their twins grinned. "Thirteen, dude!" they said at the same time. "Whoa," the others said. "Okay, any advice?"

"Beware the evil, fat, bogus dude," said Ted 2. "Yeah," added Bill 2, "and you'll need these!" He tossed them a pair of sneakers. "These?" said Ted 1. "They're just a pair of shoes!" Bill 2 smiled. "You'll see. They're important. Don't lose them, or you won't be able to give them to yourselves now and this will never happen, and you'll fail to save the dimension. And don't forget, be EXCELLLENT!"

Bill and Ted 1 looked from their twins to the sneakers, then to the phone booth. Then all four people played air guitar at once.

Bill and Ted 1 got into the phone booth. "Catch ya later, Bill and Ted!" shouted Bill and Ted 2.

Bill 1 picked up the phone. "Okay, what was the number Rufus gave us again?" Ted thought for a second, then replied, "8... 44-526-363... 69!" Bill was about to dial when Ted said, "Wait, no! Not 844, 843-526-363-69!" Bill dialed the number and the fellow dudes were hurtled through the Circuits of Time.

_Meanwhile in Oz..._

The Soldier with the Green Whiskers was on duty guarding the gates at the Emerald City. No one had recently visited the gates, so he had been busy passing his time by trimming his whiskers, and hoped that he would find another visitor to admit before he trimmed his whiskers down to nothing.

Then the clouds moved, and this caught the Soldier's eyes. He looked up to see the clouds move into a circle to make room for a faraway flying object. The Soldier readied his gun then lowered it after remembering it would not do him any good, for it was not loaded. Then it occured to him that whoever or whatever was coming probably did not know that, so he readied it again, but then remembered the strangers may mean no harm, and considered that if the first thing they saw was him pointing his gun at them, they would probably think bad of the Emerald City and any good they might have done would be spoiled.

Before he could resolve this dilemma, the strange object landed in front of him, and he became frightened before two people emerged from it.

"What's up, green suit dude?" said Bill and Ted together as they exited the booth. The Soldier with the Green Whiskers stared before composing himself and replying, "Who are you, and what is your business in the Emerald City?"

"I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire!"

"And I'm Ted Theodore Logan!"

"And we are...

"WYLD STALLYNS!" The duo played air guitar, surprising the Soldier again. "We are here to help," said Bill. "Yeah," said Ted, "We come from another world, and hear there is some sort of most bogus problem. We are here to stop the problem and make everything EXCELLENT!"

The Soldier stared again, before remembering that it is rude to stare (although Bill and Ted did not seem to mind). Then he said, "Well, you are certainly queer, but you seem harmless. You claim to be here for our good and carry no apparent weapons. If your intention was to conquer The Emerald City of Oz or cause us any other trouble, I am sure Ozma or Glinda would have seen you coming and warned me not to admit you. So I shall take you to see Princess Ozma of Oz, our ruler, so that you may discuss your business and try to find the dangers threatening us."

So he admitted Bill and Ted to the Emerald City and granted them an audience with Princess Ozma.

**_I'll be continuing this in the next part. I expect it to have about three or four parts. Stay tuned!_**


	2. The Preventing of the Nome King's plans

Bill And Ted went through the gates of the Emerald City and stopped cold, staring speechless at the sights of the beautiful place. Then they collected themselves and said, "Whoa, your city is EXCELLENT!" to the Soldier with the Green Whiskers, who smiled. "Yes, it is a most beautiful city," he told them, and led them to Ozma's palace.

When they arrived, he had them wipe their feet and told them Ozma would recieve them as soon as possible.

* * *

Inside the palace, Ozma was attending a party with many fellow people from Oz. The Wogglebug was the DJ, but everyone was unhappy with him because instead of some awesome groovy party music, he was playing some classical music that he had composed himself and was really very proud of. But everyone wanted to dance to dance music and stuff like that, and so they made repeated requests to the Wogglebug that he play some real party music. But the Wogglebug refused.

"This music is intelligent and wonderful!" he declared. "It is much more dignified and educating than traditional party music. I will continue to play this music for the rest of the party for the sake of my classical music students at the Royal College!"

No one was happy with this declaration. Many of the less dignified guests seized food from the refreshments table and hurled it at the Wogglebug. Ozma chose not to intervene in such a rude manner, for, being the Ruler of Oz, she was to maintain her dignity at all times.

As the Wogglebug was busy dodging the angry onslaught of airborne refreshments while trying to keep playing his music, the Soldier with the Green Whiskers entered. "Your Majesty," he told Ozma, "Two strange folks have arrived in the Emerald City. They claim to be from another world, and that they are here to impede troubles which are said to be threatening us. They wish you to receive them as soon as possible."

Ozma hesitated, as she did not want to miss the party. But then she considered that, with the unfit music, it was perhaps more worthwhile to see to the strangers. "Tell them I will grant them an immediate audience," she told the Soldier.

Ozma exited the party as the Wogglebug, though she did not notice, ran to beg assistance keeping the food-throwing protesters in order.

Ozma entered her place to find Bill and Ted waiting. "Hey, babe!" said Bill and Ted together. Ozma was somewhat offended, but considered that, as these people were from another world, perhaps they did not know that "babe" was no way to address a princess. "Greetings, strangers," said Ozma, seating herself upon her throne. "I am Ozma of Oz, ruler of the Land of Oz. Who are you, and what have you come for?"

Bill got up into a guitar playing pose. "I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire!"

Ted did likewise. "And I'm Ted Theodore Logan!"

"And we are...

"WYLD STALLYNS!"

Ozma took great pains not to laugh in the faces of her guests.

"We have arrived, from San Dimas, California," continued Bill, "Because we have heard there are most bogus things going on."

"Yeah," said Ted, "So we are here to stop them before they get MOST HEINOUS!"

Ozma tried her best to resist laughing, then thought for a second. Then she asked, "Do you have any further idea of what those troubles are?"

"Well," said Bill, "After our friend Rufus from the future told us about the trouble, our future selves from after we save this place came to us and said to beware an evil, fat, bogus dude. Then they gave us these." Ted withdrew the sneakers from his bag.

Ozma looked at them curiously, still resisting her urge to laugh. "Do you know how to use these?"

Bill and Ted both shook their heads.

"Well," said Ozma, "They are actually the Silver Shoes used by Princess Dorothy of Oz to return to her home of Kansas after her first visit to Oz, in another form. They have certain powers, though those powers are not as great as our Magic Belt, which you will see I am wearing. The Magic Belt can transport and transform anything, the Shoes have certain limits. Where did you get them again?"

"We told you," said Ted. "We gave them to ourselves."

Ozma could no longer resist. She laughed, louder than she had ever laughed before in all her time as the Ruler of Oz. Then she collected herself. "Please excuse my indignity," she said apologetically. "In order to use the Shoes, you must click the heels together three times and state your wish. But it may be better to first find out the problem you seek to resolve. Come this way."

Ozma led the duo into the halls of the palace. After a few turns, she led them to her boudoir. "Here is my Magic Picture," she told them. "It will show the user whatever they wish to see as it happens. You may use it to locate the trouble."

"Whoa," said Bill and Ted in awe. They walked up to the Magic Picture, then both said, "Picture, we'd like to see the evil, fat, bogus dude." The picture rippled into a scene and showed a short, fat man with a long beard and a suit with jewels on it. He was talking to others of similar appearance, and was apparently their superior. But they could not tell what was being said, as the Magic Picture had no sound.

"That is the Nome King, Luse, who has conquered the previous Nome King, Kaliko. He is clearly up to mischief. We must find out what it is and stop it." said Ozma.

"Who's this Nome King dude?" asked Bill and Ted. Ozma told them all about the Nomes and their previous rulers.

"But before we do this," said Ozma, "We have a problem with the music at the party we are holding in the palace. Will you provide music for us?"

"Definetely," said Bill and Ted. They entered the party a few moments later. The Wogglebug had given up on playing his classical music and was now trying to sing, but was a bad singer and people were still hurling food at him. Bill and Ted got into the phone booth and went back to San Dimas real quick to get the babes, then hurried onto the stage with their electric guitars and pushed the Wogglebug off the stage. The Ozma shouted, "People of Oz, please welcome..."

Bill and Ted took the cue and shouted, "WYLD STALLYNS!"

It was then a much more _excellent_ party.

* * *

Early the next morning, the Nome King was suggesting plans to conquer and take possession of Oz.

"And then," said Luse, "The people of Oz shall never again bother us, and we shall never have to fight them, once they are buried in the ground!" A few Nomes appluaded the plan. Luse planned upon slicing the people of Oz to bits and throwing them into the ground, so that he could conquer the Emerald City.

One of the Nomes raised his hand. "I must say, that does not sound like a good plan to me," said he. "I think we should go find and release the captive giant Yoop into the Emerald City, so that he shall devour them and we shall be done with them."

Luse frowned. Then, all of a sudden, Bill and Ted entered the room, Ted wearing the Magic Sneakers. "Hey, evil, fat bogus dude!" said Bill and Ted. Luse turned upon them. "You dare intrude upon my presence?!" he roared, outraged. "Who are you, and what have you come for?"

"I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire!"

"And I'm Ted Theodore Logan!"

"And we are...

WYLD STALLYNS!"

They played air guitar, and then Ozma entered. "I am Ozma of Oz," she said boldly. "These strangers are visitors to Oz who have arrived to help the Emerald City. We heard of your plans to render me and my people helpless and conquer the Emerald City. We cannot allow this, so the strangers are here to stop you."

"The strangers are fools!" shouted Luse.

Ted smiled. Then he clicked the heels of the sneakers together three times. "Shoes," he said to them, "I'd like you to make it so the Nome King and all who agree with his plans bound up in guitar strings!" The shoes flashed, and the next thing they knew, the Nome King and several of his Nomes were bound in guitar strings. "Why, this is an outrage!" screamed the Nome King, but he could not get free. "They're all yours, babe," said Ted, proudly. Ozma smiled, and took the prisoners by the arms. Then Ted clicked the heels together again and wished them all back in the Emerald City.

* * *

Upon returning to the Emerald City, Bill and Ted attended a great celebration held in their honor, then said goodbye and got into their phone booth. "Goodbye, excellent people of Oz!" they shouted, and then they disappeared into the Circuits of Time.

After they left, Dorothy said to Ozma, "That was a wonderful party! D'you suppose we'll ever see them again?" Ozma was about to answer, when suddenly, the Nome King appeared, wearing the Magic Belt. "Oh, no!" said Dorothy, "How careless of me. I left the Magic Belt on the dinner table, where the Nome King's Nomes could have easily found it and gotten it to him!"

Luse rose his fists high into the air and wished the people of the Emerald City to become cockroaches. And then all the cockroaches fleed him. "Yes!" said the Nome King, "I have dominated the Land of Oz!"

But as the Magic Belt does not work on wood, the Sawhorse, constructed of wood, had been spared the horrible fate. And he had seen the whole thing, and was not ready to be defeated by the King, so he ran all the way to the Quadling Country to seek the advice of Glinda.

* * *

_Meanwhile back in San Dimas..._

Bill and Ted landed on the ground and saw themselves talking to Rufus. "Hey, there's us!" said Ted. "We're about to go and save Oz!" Bill looked over at it and saw Rufus getting back into his phone booth. "Come on," he said, "We have to go talk to ourselves.

Bill and Ted 2 stepped out of their phone booth to greet Bill and Ted 1.

* * *

"Beware the evil, fat, bogus dude," said Ted 2. "Yeah," added Bill 2, "and you'll need these!" He tossed them a pair of sneakers. "These?" said Ted 1. "They're just a pair of shoes!" Bill 2 smiled. "You'll see. They're important. Don't lose them, or you won't be able to give them to yourselves now and this will never happen, and you'll fail to save the dimension. And don't forget, be EXCELLLENT!"

Bill and Ted 1 looked from their twins to the sneakers, then to the phone booth. Then all four people played air guitar at once.

Bill and Ted 1 got into the phone booth. "Catch ya later, Bill and Ted!" shouted Bill and Ted 2.

Bill and Ted 1 time-traveled away. "Most excellent!" said Ted 2, "Now let's go get our sodas, dude."

But then another phone booth descended out of the sky, and the Sawhorse stepped out. "Whoa!" said Bill and Ted, "What are you, and how'd you get the phone booth, dude?"

"I'm a Sawhorse," said he, "Glinda the Sorceress manufactured the booth for me by means of her sorcery. And the tables have turned on us since you left!"

_**Far from over, my excellent readers. Keep reading!**_


End file.
